CRJ #9 - Family Systems, Family Lives

One of the first readings that really shocked me was “Cheaper than a Cow” by Miranda Kennedy. The story describes the flesh trade of young girls in India. Traffickers purchase girls from poor mothers and fathers who believe their child will be entering a better life. This is completely false. The trafficker ends up selling the girl for a lot more than he purchased her for, and sends her into an extremely dangerous world. Her buyer is allowed to rape her, torture her, and gives her absolutely no freedoms. What’s even worse it that the police have basically looked the other way when crimes like these arise. They know there is a significant shortage of women in India, and they are allowing this trafficking to occur. The unbelievable part is that this shortage is due to the fact that mothers only want to have boys and are aborting when they find out they are bearing a girl.

It amazes me that India is in such a dire need of women; however, they still continue to kill most of their women prematurely. I just cannot grasp this whole idea. It seems like it would be such an old tradition that I would read about in history backs, but it’s actually happening in our world today. Especially to make your girls perform sexual acts on a multitude of men. How could one subject a young woman to such things? It is unbelievable. This is proof that social construction causes women to feel so inferior in the world. If I was an Indian woman and saw most other Indian female babies being aborted, I would feel I was useless in the world. This would make it even harder when strangers were making sexual advances to me. Although I feel absolutely terrible for these women, it also reminds me how lucky I am to have the current rights I have. To defend myself, choose my husband, and have the right to decide want I want to do.

There is so much pressure on mothers these days to be absolutely perfect, that I can’t even imagine the day when I will have children. I enjoyed that “The Myth of the Perfect Mother” by Judith Warner brought this situation to attention and tried to make some suggestions to fix the problems. The reading begins by showing how mothers constantly try to meet society’s standards to be the “perfect mother”. They spend endless hours with their children and have no time to socialize as adults. The work is completely put on the mother while the father is able to go to work and socialize afterwards with no repercussions. “Thirty percent of mothers of young children reportedly suffer from depression” (pg 396). But they are supposed to hide this depression and pretend to be so happy that they are a mother. Then if they falter, mothers tend to blame themselves instead of society’s ridiculous standards. Judith then sets out several suggestions that may give mothers a break. These include tax subsidies for businesses to adopt family-friendly policies as well as government-mandated child care. Mother should not have to “face ‘choices’ on the order of: You can continue to pursuer your professional dreams at the cost of abandoning your children to long hours of inadequate child care” (pg 397).

Society is beginning to encourage women to become more independent; however, with the responsibilities motherhood brings, something has to happen to help women achieve this independence. After reading this selection, I can picture my mom in the same predicament and I just hope I didn’t put herself through the struggle that many women had in the readings. I definitely don’t want to experience any form of depression because of having children either. It should be completely opposite of that. The government helps many causes and I think mothers should be a priority on their list. It’s unbelievable how much work and stress a mother goes through and I definitely think the government and corporations should help them through this time. Motherhood should be something that women are able to constantly enjoy and not struggle with.

I did not enjoy reading the selection “Marriage and Love” by Emma Goldman. The reading begins by explaining how marriage and love have nothing in common. It is said that marriage is primarily an economic arrangement and brings with it insurance. The reading describes how from childhood girls are told how wonderful marriage and live is. She does not realize she is being “kept in complete ignorance of her only asset in the competitive field – sex” (pg 389). It moves on to say that if a woman does learn the mystery of sex, she will act on the urge and therefore be an unfit wife. The reading concludes by stating, “The institution of marriage makes a parasite of woman, an absolute dependent. In incapacitates her for life’s struggle, annihilates her social consciousness, paralyzes her imagination, and then imposes its gracious protection, which is in reality a snare, a travesty on human character” (pg 391).

Maybe I am just a dreamer, but I think marriage means so much more than what was portrayed in the reading. I believe that love sparks marriage and the reverse can occur as well. People may think that I believe life is a fairy tale, but this reading made love and marriage appear extremely grim. When I got to the last paragraph, I didn’t even want to go onto any of the further readings because those last words honestly appalled me. I think the reading was also quite sexist towards men. Being a women’s studies book I was surprised that it would include an article as such. In their younger years, sex may be the only thing that men seek out. But when marriage and love become real to a man, I think he no longer puts as much focus on sex. He can still enjoy it but now he actually cares about the woman and her feelings. She is not his private property but he wants her to have her own thoughts and ambitions. Luckily the readings got more positive after this selection, but I’m shocked it is in this book.