Activity #9 - Taking Sides Should Same-Sex Couples be Able to Marry?

I believe same sex couples should have the same rights as opposite sex couples; therefore, they should undeniably have the right to marry. I completely support the findings of Lawrence A. Kurdek, while I am baffled by some of the statements by Peter Sprigg. Same sex marriage is an extremely debatable issue in society that has even worked its way into the law’s hands; however, I do not understand why there is such negativity towards the idea of same sex marriages. There is an assortment of reasons I have for supporting same sex marriage, but here I will only focus on a few. First, I will begin by discussing how it is a freedom that was established when this nation began. I will then move on to negate the belief that same sex relationships are flawed. Finally, I will conclude by discussing how same sex relationships can actually have positive effects on children.

This nation was built upon the foundation that all men and women are created equally. This principle is what makes the United States such a great place to live. It is shocking to me that states could actually pass laws that limit these inherent freedoms. The government has gained too much control over us, and I don’t think it should have any say in who is able to get married. Sprigg explicitly states, “The fundamental ‘right to marry’ is a right that rests with individuals, not with couples. Homosexual individuals already have exactly the same ‘right’ to marry as anyone else” (pg 158). I do not think Sprigg is grasping the point. Included in the right to marry, should be the right to choose who one wants to marry. There is no point in allowing someone to choose who to marry if he or she cannot choose his or her partner. Even worse is the idea that people actually support the government passing these laws when they completely are taking away one’s liberties. Throughout this semester I have learned how society has constructed an extremely negative attitude toward homosexual relationships. I can only hope states will soon follow Vermont’s lead by at least allowing “civil unions”. With one state breaking these social norms, it is a step that could lead to a greater acceptance for same sex marriages.

Even though many people do not accept same sex marriages, I do not think there is any evidence to prove that they cannot work. I do believe that same sex couples may experience an increase in depression and stress; however, I think this is due to the social construction of apathy towards same sex couples. Just as women and those from other races have witnessed increased struggles in this society, so do same sex couples. I think it’s very upsetting that Sprigg suggests that there is also increased mental problems among gay men and lesbians. The fact is that they are simply different; since these feelings are very foreign to some people, it scares them. Throughout this semester I have seen that fear is a very powerful driving force for many people’s beliefs. This fear of allowing people of the same sex to marry is what I think causes some people to have such negative feelings towards same sex marriages. This fear leads Sprigg to attempt to prove that people in same sex relationships have greater mental problems. I would like to see some data that supports his findings that it is not dealing with society’s response to homosexuality that causes many of these problems in people. I don’t see how this can be quantified. Sprigg actually concludes that, “Increasing the level of social support for homosexual behavior (by, for instance allowing same-sex couples to ‘marry’) would only increase these problems not reduce them” (pg 163). So abolishing slavery caused more problems in the African American community? I just cannot grasp how this idea can actually be suggested. Kurdek actually found, “Relative to heterosexual parents, partners from gay couples and partners from lesbian couples do not function in ways that place their relationships at risk for distress” (pg 155). It is apparent that both Sprigg’s and Kurdek’s findings may be swayed in some way; however, even if the amount of stress is increased I do not see how that can determine that same sex marriages would not work. No one should be determining the fate of one’s relationship other than the people actually involved.

Finally, I support same sex marriages because I think they might actually have a positive influence on children. In our youth, we learn a great amount that influences our beliefs and prejudices. Many people are scared of homosexual relationships because they were never presented the possibility as a child. From the onset, they learn that it is completely wrong. A child with homosexual parents, however, can see that there are a variety of ways one can live his or her life. People will not always be accepting of it, but I believe showing children these images at young ages will keep them much more open-minded in the future. I think it can even eliminate many prejudices that are found in society today. Kurdek explains, “Because gay men and lesbians cannot use the gender of the partner to fashion the content of their relationships, they must negotiate common couple-level issues such as household labor and family rituals in creative ways that do not involve gender” (pg 155). This supports the idea that same sex marriages can help eliminate many of the social constructions of gender as well. Children from same sex marriages will see that a certain gender does not have to play a certain role. When they grow older, they will be able to educate others about the positive effects of having same sex parents. Society can then begin progressing to accept this lifestyle. I’m surprised that Sprigg actually states that a negative outcome of same sex marriages is that, “Children of lesbians are less likely to conform to traditional gender norms” (pg 163). I feel that these norms are what we should be fighting to break down and Sprigg seems to be suggesting that he actually supports them. I think this statement clearly shows the close-mindedness with which he conducted his studies.

The issue of same sex marriage will continue to be debated; however, I am completely supportive of the right to same sex marriages. Allowing same sex marriage does not mean that everyone has to agree with it. What it does mean though, is that people believe that everyone should have these freedoms. I think there are many details people overlook about same sex marriages; however, the only way people will change is by hearing this information. I have allowed myself to be open-minded towards the issue, and I have decided that I completely support same sex marriages.